Compassion in a Time of Judgment

Hashem, Hashem, Kel Rachum VeChanun, . . . Oh God, Oh God, O Merciful and Gracious God, . . . This time of year we cry out these 13 divine attributes over and over. Why? What is their message?

Yes, we are reminding God to be kind and compassionate to us, full of mercy, as He sits in judgment over us.

But there is more here. These attributes are not just about God, but also a model for us. Mah hu rachum. Af Atah teha rahum. ”Just as He is merciful, so, too, should you be merciful.”

God is teaching us how to be in this world of judgment, how to be not just with each other, but also how to be with ourselves, and especially how to be with ourselves in our lowest moments, our moments of failure and mistake and transgression. In those low moments, we are to adopt the stance of God here, to embrace ourselves -- all of ourselves, faults included -- with love and compassion.

During this season of teshuva and transformation, we often think the best way to improve is to be critical and harsh, to attack our flaws with a sharp pair of scissors and to “fight” the Evil Inclination. But does such a combative approach work? Does it help to transform us? Think of what happens when you feel attacked by that inner critical voice we all have: “Why did you do that? That was a terrible thing to do!”. Does it propel you to change? Perhaps a little bit. But mostly what it does is to bring your mood low, to make you feel guilty and depressed about who you are and to wear you out emotionally. Without love we don’t have the fortitude, the energy or the desire to change. We are too low.

If, on the other hand, you focus on the problematic part of yourself with gentleness, compassion and a little curiosity, like you would a small hurt child, there is enough space and good energy for things to shift on their own. There is also greater honesty. In an open, loving space, without the fear of attack, truths will out more easily. Perhaps this is why, right along with hesed, loving-kindness, comes emet, truth. Truth can only come forward fully in a space of love.

There is another benefit to a compassionate teshuva process; it allows you not to throw out parts of yourself but to reclaim them for the good. In a self-critical approach there is a tendency to want to identify certain aspects of yourself as bad and try to excise them or at least exile them. But with compassion, we can actually work with them, find the goodness underneath and redirect them for the better. Resh Lakish, a rabbi who in a previous life was a warrior-thief, famously said that teshuva has the capacity to turn sins into merits (Yoma 86a). Perhaps what he meant was that through teshuva we can transform the very aspects of ourselves that we consider most problematic into our greatest strengths.

This is the “return” (teshuva) that we seek – it is a return to the original purity and goodness of our own selves. There is no rejection here, no cutting and removal, but only a loving return to truth and goodness of what has gone astray.

May we feel the loving compassionate embrace from above and learn from it how to turn with compassion on ourselves and our faults. May such compassion help us to truly transform and return.

Collection of Rosh Hashanah Thoughts

This is a link to a collection of my thoughts from over the years on Rosh Hashanah. It is set up so you can print it and read over the holiday. Please let me know if you have trouble accessing it.